Is there someone out there destined to be with me?
- Can I still be complete even if I haven’t found my “better half”?
- What if I don’t like my soul mate, or they haven’t been born yet!
- How can I know if the one I’m with really is THE one?
Or… Do I need to be complete in a sense BEFORE I can attract a soul mate?
Relationships are beautiful opportunities to grow and share second opinions on first impressions. They also happen to be very hard work. No matter how perfect people may seem to be for each other, relationship endurance hinges on willingness to bare all – and I’m not just talking about in the boudoir.
Harmonic balance between honesty and support is not easy.
Humans come with ego pre-installed.
Even individuals with low self –esteem, still have egos. It’s that nasty little voice prodding us to be critical and or hurtful toward others that filters and colors our partner’s words and deeds to “justify” our own unkind behavior or indiscretions.
Relentless sincerity is only effective when tempered with objectivity. That’s nearly impossible when emotionally involved with someone but at least “near” impossibility still offers some hope of success.
Where there is hope there is the possibility of becoming, and thus attracting, a soul mate.
How can I do it?
There is a technique we call the “filter of self” and this is how it works:
Before pointing something out to the other that needs their “attention”, apply that observation to yourself. “He who has not sinned shall cast the first stone…”
- Why does this bother me?
- Do I do it too and actually want to change it in myself?
- Is it aggravating an expectation I haven’t communicated?
By asking those questions you create sufficient distance to emotionally discharge the observation, the next best thing to objectivity. Maturity is realizing that most emotional wounds are created, not by what we say or do but how we say or do it.
If you hide behind confrontational behavior, you’ll evoke a defensive response.
That’s not communication. If we want our partner to receive and consider the observation we are sharing, provoking their ego won’t help.
Clarity of purpose is the only compass we have when sharing potentially upsetting observations.
If your motive is to improve your relationship, confrontational attitudes should make you suspicious. Even the most sensitive issue can be resolved when faced with love.
A soul mate is that person who chooses to bring out the best in you by risking all to share even the unflattering bits. They aren’t trying to change you, but to encourage you to be the best YOU that you can be.
I gleaned that after one very traumatic marriage followed by several unsuccessful attempts at meaningful relationships and too many not-so-meaningful ones.
I asked myself what was really important in a relationship and what qualities in a person would facilitate that view, then I set about trying to cultivate those qualities in myself.
Once I started to get the hang of it, I finally attracted somebody who was trying to cultivate those qualities too. Being a soul mate is a work in progress…
Just try to enjoy the process 😀
Victoria Andre King is a freelance writer and audiovisual professional her novel The Führer Must Die is available for pre-orders and will be released on November 8th 2016 with Yucca Publications, an imprint of Sky Horse Publishing NYC.